The saddest story

I listen to what you say, but I see what you do
I remember the day when all my emotions seemed to be true
you have your own thoughts but it's not what you said
and now its gone, dead, the saddest story ever read.

I reached out for you but you couldn't embrace
You left, you fled, without a trace
When your story revealed your sick plot
that's when the roses begin to rot.

When your around I'm uneasy, my heart races
At times I wish me and the fly on the wall could trade places
I rather dodge fast enough to not get splattered
then to live life with you as if I didn't matter.

Go head, go on, I'm sick, I'm through
I need to be set free and away from you
Don't cry for me, don't ask for me
Just let me get out of this misery

This is a nightmare, how could this happen to us?
Its because we mistaken love for what was only lust.
Don't be sorry, because this chapter has to end
you need me to need you but now no one will win.

Did the tremors affect you? What about Irene

Hi beauties

I'm not sure if it is hormonal or if the tremors from the earthquake kind of set me off a bit. I had terrible migraines and I have been having weakness in my legs. Has anyone else been experiencing more exaberations than usual?

I am very thankful that the storm didn't do too much damage here up north however my heart and prayers are with the family who have lost loved ones during the storm.

God bless

WOW been gone for a while

I haven't posted on here in a while..I have been busy. I'm just getting back into the habit of writing again.

The heat has been rough on me, especially if the humidity is high smh. Today was pretty low humidity in NY so I was good. So good that I wore my high wedges :) I said this weekend that I wanted to get back into wearing my heels. I love heels and Ive been a little down about not wearing them on the regular. However I do keep in mind that with working with PreK children, heels weren't really an option. So, now that I'm done teaching summer school and work in an office, I can wear my heels! woop woop (but keep a pair flats on hand) :)

Until next time
Nikki

Keep on striding

hey beauties!

I hope all is well :) Life has been a whirl wind lately but I'm still striding. My anniversary of the dx is april 13th. I can't believe its been a year soon..sheesh.

Nothing else really new just taking it one day at a time and trying not to stress too much during these wedding plans :p

Until next time..

a heart to heart with mom soothes the heart :)

Hey I know it has been a long time!
Many updates. I have a new job with health benefits that are awesome!!!!!!

I am so happy and I am counting my blessings :)

So on Monday, my mother and I had a long heartful conversation :). I spoke to her about my worries and concerns with a potential progression of my condition. Friends trust and believe I know the Lord is with me and I MUST trust HIM, I just kept those feelings deep down and they needed to come out. My mom hugged me and it felt good. I know that despite the hardship, the aches, the pain, the numbness, weakness, I am and will continue to be STRONG. So while the enemy thought he had me wrapped around his fingers, I just Fired back!

and friends that's what we must aim to do..Fire Back! I may have MS but it doesn't have ME!

Makes me want to HOLLER

Hey beauties,

I hope all is well.
Well, today a short while ago I did just what the title says, I HOLLERED. I was in so much pain and I kept finding myself say Why God Why??? I feel like I'm crying to the top of my lungs but yet it seems like I'm in a house with all the windows up yelling for help and people just walk by. So after deep breaths and drinking some sips of cold water I was able to calm down. My head is still bothering me but God is with me. There is a reason that I have MS and I am still on the quest to find out why..
I know God is listening to my prayers and I know He is with me always...
Well beauties, lets keep each other in prayer and take it one day at a time.

woah I learned something today!

hey beauties!

I know I have been away for a while but I am back. I have been pretty busy and I haven't really had much to discuss however here is an update:

My bf and I have celebrated our 10 year anniversary :)

I have changed the days that I take Avonex, instead of it being on saturdays it is now on tuesdays :)

I have been doing better, instead of feeling symptoms everyday like I did during the summer, the symptoms have decreased :)

I start a new job on Monday

So thats pretty much the update, now for what I learned..Today I took my shot and I forgot to take aleeve before the injection...OOOOO MAN I will do my BEST to not ever forget. My legs and arms were burning so bad! has this happened to anyone else?

I am truly blessed and counting each blessing. God is amazing and I'm happy that God is answering my prayers.

Later beauties

sometimes I want to scream

hey beauties,

Ever feel like this? I feel like screaming alot these days mainly because of crazy obstacles that life offers. You have to wonder at times, when will this be over? or when can the sunshine come out?

I read on facebook at status that said "don't wait until the storm is over, learn how to dance in the rain" this is very true. We constantly sit and wait for better days, for all we know better is there right in our face but we refuse to see it because we are caught up in our selfish ways.

Lets remember, God is able and a deliver. So when you want to scream, trust and believe He knows your pain, he knows your struggle. Even when we may steer away from God, He has not turned his back on us. God Bless beauties

Studies Examine How to Detect PML Brain Infection and Question Value of Tysabri “Drug Holidays” : National MS Society

Studies Examine How to Detect PML Brain Infection and Question Value of Tysabri “Drug Holidays” : National MS Society

always remembered

Hey beauties! On this day in 2001, our country will always remember those who lost their lives and how many of our lives changed after the attack.

What disturbs me is how much HATE we have. When I say we I mean Race..The HUMAN RACE. its like people of ALL religions can be quick to say I do this hate crime for my God. Oh really? I'm christian and I have friends from different religious beliefs and no where in our religious literary does it say " KILL for ME" or involve in "hate crimes". No that is people who do that. We are all sinners, yes yes Its true the difference is that we should try to do better so that one day God can have mercy on our souls.

I'm just tired of all this hatred and anger going on from "religion" to "politics" Everyone is so quick to say "united we stand" no the heck we don't...many of us say it because it sounds good or we may follow it for a week or so but at the end of day people turn their sadness into anger and hostility. I hope and pray that one day freedom will ring.
Please wake up people!

hello there

hey beauties!

Yesterday was a great day, I woke up got myself together to go a 1 year old birthday party at a big park here in L.I. Baby Tamia's party was so cute there were clowns who danced and did body painting. yep the day was pretty smooth until after my Avonex shot :( yeah my left side was in pain but nothing new there. on my next appointment I will let my neuro about the continuing issue with my left side. However this morning I didn't go to church, I decided to stay home. I do feel alot better so I'm just taking it easy.

I am thinking about posting vids. If anyone knows me, they know that I am passionate about God,family,children,aspirations,my natural hair and now MS health. I already have a YouTube page, but probably in october I am going to start doing vids on the passions of my life. I hope you readers tune in. I will post vids here as well :D I'll keep you posted :D

Later Beauties!

updates

hey beauties,

Today wasn't the best day but because of the wonderful people in my life I am able to continue to fight. This seems so crazy to me but I was so angry today and I wanted to punch something and I broke down when it became hard to ball up my fist :(.

However after taking avonex and taking a 3 hour nap I was able to gain more strength. but the weakness and pain in my limbs are still present. I will say though this week I was able to wear high heels :D!!!

The one frustration I have is that people assume that because I am on medication that I shouldn't feel any of the symptoms. I know I shouldn't get mad because they do not know but the symptoms are still here and all I can do is pray and smile whenever I can. However I appreciate their concern so I'm still blessed anyway :D

She got attititude!

hey beauties!

I know the mood changes is something not only common with MS, PMS (ironic?lol) but just being a woman!!!and at times I do just have one of those days. Unfortunately today was a day like that. It just seemed like almost every left and right something was "poppin" up. I am now relaxed and calm but smiling and breathing is key.

The heat is unfortunately still not my friend but I do enjoy the summer. I love hearing the crickets at night, the silence.. During the summer nights strolling on the boardwalk is so amazing, listening to the waves rock in every emotion. I get that feeling that God is present :) Loves it!

I am learning to continue to walk forward, push my shoulders back, keep my chin up listen to my body (do's and don'ts), stay hydrated, and smile even when it hurts :)

Check u later beauties!

trader joes sunflowerseed butter

Has anyone tried this yet? My mom purchased it from trader joes and I am in love with it. it is definitely an alternative to peanut butter :D

MRI Update

Hey beauties!

So I had my second MRI back in june with Contrast. I am please to know that the lesions are not active and no "new" ones were present! woohoo Thank God, so happy about that :D. I also have done a month on avonex which has been pretty good, I still have aches and burning pains in my arms and legs but I'm managing. The neuro just gave me a prescription for the pain that should help me when I feel like that. Nothing else really going on..I will update any other news :D

later beauties

25 years young

Hey beauties!

So this past friday 7/23 was my 25th birthday! I must say I am truly blessed to have made it this far in life. I am so grateful for my boyfriend,parents, best friends and host of coworkers and family members. My coworkers gave me a surprise 25th bday luncheon and it really made me cry tears of joy. With everything going on this year I just had no idea they were planning it for weeks!!!

My boyfriend took me to a great dinner and we even danced a little. I had alot of fun. I received many gifts and birthday wishes. Hmmm never knew 25 could taste so good! ;D

When it Rains it pours...but the Rainbow follows ♥

Hey beauties!

that is what I caught myself saying over and over..When it rains it pours. Sometimes the pain and numbness is out of control! Crying, huffing and puffing...but then somewhat of peace breaks through. The images that collide in my head such as the smile of my boyfriend, my wonderful hard working parents and brother, my best and close friends hugs, the laughter of their children along with my Goddaughter. That's when the rainbow peeks through after the rain.

MS affects not only the person who is dx with it but also all of the loved ones. I try to remember, as hard as this may be for me, I know it is rough on my loved ones as well. God is so good though because we are such a great support system. I know God has a big plan for us, and I am hanging in there for the journey!

Many blessings beauties

1st day of Avonex

Yesterday I started my first day of Avonex. The nurse, Veronica, came over to train my parents, one of my best friends, my darling boyfriend and myself how to inject the drug. It went pretty well and having my support group really helped me hold it together. I feel like God knew what he was doing when he made us. I'm really blessed to have wonderful parents,an amazing boyfriend and great best friends.
I say all was well for most of that evening, my legs were bothering me but not unbearable at least until I got home after dinner....

My darling boyfriend brought me home, I wanted to take a shower so that I could relax. Now if anyone knows me knows I love hot steamy showers however with being diagnosed, I can no longer do the extreme hot environments because it can cause an episode to happen. So that means no HOT showers, no saunas and I have to even becareful when I'm outside now during the summer. So as I took my shower it was on warm, I was doing ok my legs were still a lil wobbly but I thought I was fine. Until I was drying myself off and my legs gave out on me :( .

I cried, my mom heard me and said what happened and I told her that my legs gave out on me. And she got sad but what else are you left to do? I got myself together and got UP. Yes it hurt my knees when I fell, Yes once again I felt embarrassed however I cant just stay there.

I was told that one side effect of the disease modifying drugs are depression. Personally, I feel it is real easy for a professional to slap many labels to people who have a condition. I feel like anytime you have change in your element or you do not operate like your "usual" self, anyone could be sadden by that. I want to be a fighter against the disease. Yes I will get knocked down, mentally and physically but I'm refusing to stay down.

I pray that God continues to give me strength. I am so blessed and happy by His Grace in which that has gotten me this far. I am once again mentioned blessed for my loved ones, they give me the inspiration to proceed to carry on. I loved them more than they will ever know. Until next time :D
Later beauties
Nikki

Falling..

So I am becoming more and more clumsy these days. I mean I do laugh at myself when I trip over nothing and I'm around my comfort zone until today...

Today I parked my car in front of my house and I was moving it so my father could park his car there, then all of sudden I landed on the ground and my left hand caught me (if that makes sense). My neighbor came over and helped me and kept asking if I were ok and I said yes. I was so embarrassed, as soon as I got in the house I cried.

I know its like Nikki its not a big deal people trip all the time. the part .that gets to me most is I cant remember it. like I cant remember how I fell or why, I honestly thought I reached the last step...but the good news is I'm ok and I will continue to keep track of these things.

My meds are here!

hey beauties!

I am so happy my meds are here. People do not realize the power of prayer. I work a job 40hrs per week with no benefits and I was stressed out worrying how am I going to afford this medication? God is good because the company has an Access program which is for people with MS that are uninsured..I was approved! :D

So the next thing to happen is for me to receive training from the nurse on how to use the syringe for the injections. I have to do them once a week..yikes!!! but my parents, bf and bff will be there for support and to train with me :D

Along with me starting the meds, I have to change my eating habits too. I am going to cut back on the red meats and grains :( I love me some hamburgers (homemade not mcdonalds etc) and I love pasta!! Even though I eat whole wheat pasta and bread I still want to cut back my intake. I believe I will see a difference in how I look and feel :D

With the information given to me about Avonex I received a black journal book, in which I will track how each day is going with the meds but I'm also going to track how my eating habits are too. I read many place where they said that certain foods are triggers for excaberations.

I'll keep a post on any new updates..Thanks to those who follow this blog I appreciate it ♥